A Year Ago Today
by CassidyTVNut
Summary: Maddy/Linden Grief does funny things to you...but it can make you wake up from the haze you’ve been in
1. Chapter 1

A Year Ago Today

Maddy/Linden

_**Grief does funny things to you...but it can make you wake up from the haze you've been in**_

I am absolutely devastated that Maddy has died. I'm really hoping for her to be imagining it all, but I know that's pushing it...My take on what Linden is going through one year after Maddy's death. Slight spoilers for tomorrow's epi...So warning...do not read ahead if you want to be surprised.

MINDENMINDENMINDENMINDENMINDENMINDENMINDEN

I walked through the cemetery, my hands firmly grasping the red roses I held. I squeezed them so tight that I think the thorn had pricked me...but it doesn't hurt...I am numb.

It doesn't take me long to find you, I come here so often that I would be angry at myself for forgetting.

I walk up to your memorial stone.

You said once that the thought of burial freaks you out because you being there forever, slowly rotting, was undignified. You wanted to be cremated, your ashes scattered, to blow in the wind and to be at peace.

So now, all that lies here is a stone with your photograph on it.

As I usually do, I talk to you about what's been going on around the hospital. Futile, I know, but I like to think you can still hear me.

I could imagine how you would laugh when I told you that Jayne turned up out of the blue to yell at Connie for sleeping with her husband and now she is pregnant again.

Or how you would snigger at the gossip that Faye and Joseph barely made it past a week in marriage. That in my grief for you, I kissed her. I realised that nothing could ever compare to you.

And again, in my newly acquired ritual, I place 4 red roses around your square plaque, kissing them as I go. Before I go, I kiss my hand and touch your photo.

You were so beautiful, and I was a fool ever to keep my feelings back from you.

Madeline Elizabeth Young...why did I ever wait so long to tell you I love you?


	2. A Year Ago Today Part 2

A Year Ago Today...

Chapter 2

Song by Delta Goodrem: A Year Ago Today

Linden POV

_**Another year older**_

Yep, sure am. Getting old.

Rickety joints, tired easily.

Maddy would laugh at me because I'm only 35, but I feel about 90.

She kept me young.

_**  
A little bit stronger**_

I wouldn't say that.

I was always stronger around Maddy.

Now I just feel empty.

_**  
A little bit wiser than a year ago today  
**_A year ago today, I should've told you I loved you, before it was too late.

I've learnt that if I ever love someone again as much as I do you, although I doubt I will, I will tell them how I feel straight away.

_**  
Looking over my shoulder  
I was so much younger then**_

Maddy always made me feel young.

I had more energy around her, more life.

I came out of my shell.

_**  
I can't believe what happened  
A year ago today  
**_One year ago today, I last saw her smile.

One year ago today, I saw her die.

One year ago today, I cried.

Why did it have to be Maddy?

_**  
And I just can't forget about it  
**_Of course I can't.

She was my world.

_**  
You went away  
A year ago today**_

Why did you have to leave me Maddy?

I'm helpless without you._****_

Another year gone by  
Oh the tears have run dry

I used to cry myself to sleep after you died.

But there's no more tears left to cry.

I hate that.

_**  
Life seemed so unkind  
A year ago today  
**_Life was so unkind.

Life took you away from me.

_**  
And I just can't understand it  
And I don't think I ever will**_

I can't understand why life took you away from me.

Because you had something to live for.

You had your job, you had your sister, you had me.

_**  
You went away  
A year ago today  
**_How can I forget?

The date is etched on my memory for life.

The day I lost the love of my life.

_****_

And how many times have I questioned myself  
What more could I do

What could I have done to save you?

I was there when they tried to save you.

But I couldn't help you.

I hate myself for that.

_**  
And how many times did I fool myself  
Over you oh yeah  
**_I used to convince myself that you were alive, that you were gonna walk in to AAU, smiling and slightly hungover, as usual.

But then you don't, and I get upset.

_**  
You've gotta pick yourself up,  
Take another look  
And dust yourself off cause life's too good,**_

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT?

THE LOVE OF MY LIFE IS DEAD!!!

_**  
I'll say it to myself and I'll say it again  
Love will never end  
And though we're so far apart  
You're forever in my heart**_

Even though you're in heaven Maddy, I'll always love you.

I'll never stop loving you, I'll never forget you._****_

Another year older  
A little bit stronger  
On this anniversary  
You're watching over me  
As I sit by your grave and talk to you, I feel your presence.

Like you're holding my hand and hugging my shoulders.

_**  
You went away  
A year ago today  
**_One year to this day, I lost a part of me


End file.
